Commentary on Unsaddled

I was asked to post a haibun and write a commentary on the nature of haibun for Abstract Magazine, an art-writing venue. The readers of this non-haiku genre journal were likely to be unfamiliar with haibun. I decided for a number of reasons to use “Unsaddled” as and example, and then explain how haibun is different than other short-in-length genres like flash fiction, prose poetry, essays, memoirs, and travel experiences.


Unsaddled

Ray Rasmussen

Breakfast without a newspaper is a horse without a saddle.
                                                             —Edward R. Murrow

Unsaddled I am six months into my experiment of not reading the daily newspaper. Instead I read essays, including one by E.B. White, who, in response to Murrow’s metaphor, called breakfast “the hour when we sit munching stale discouragement along with fresh toast.” Breakfast is now more enjoyable, but I at times feel I’ve missed something important – that others know about events that I don’t, but should. Stretching Murrow’s metaphor, it’s me that’s unsaddled—riderless. This morning, as I walk the dog on a berm overlooking the freeway, there’s the usual tangle of commuters, all hurrying somewhere.

winter morning—
the cat mews
over her empty bowl

Previously published in Haibun Today. 


Commentary on “Unsaddled”

My sense of the haibun genre is that it’s different than other popular short forms (memoirs, personal essays, travel experiences, flash fiction), in that haibun as practiced by most (not all) published writers is autobiographical – the characters and situations are drawn from the writer’s life, not made up.

Thus a reader should feel that “Unsaddled” is about a real time in my life. In many works of fiction, the writers aim at making events and lives seem real even when they’re made up, and and some haibun poets do the same. While most readers become involved with the fictional characters and their situations, they also sense when the work is made up, which establishes a distance, this isn’t quite real. That doesn’t mean it’s not a good story.

And even in haibun with its sense of reporting lived experiences, there is always a degree of embellishment. Some facts may be left out; other less-than-perfectly-true elements are put in. And some poetics are employed for effect. I have an unhealthy tendency to make my self come off as a better living in the moment than I am. That said, haibun is a confessional genre, aHowever, haibun in English, there is room for experimentation and evolution. Indeed, in the last decade, haibun that are clearly fantasy or accounts of dreams that we fabricated, and even some futuristic, sci-fi haibun are appearing.

I think of dreams and fantasy to fall in the auto-biographical mode, particularly if they’re quasi-accurate accounts of true dreams and fantasies or day dreams. Others might view dreams as excursions into fantasy that the dreaming mind creates.

Some haibun writers are producing fiction as if they are writing factual accounts of their own lives. Recently, one writer so convincingly conveyed a suicide impulse, that I, as to the editor, contacted the writer to ask if she needed help. The writer revealed the story was made up. In short, I can’t always tell the difference between fictional work presented as autobiography and close-to-the-truth accounts of a lived life, particularly when the writers are skilled.

On the other hand, some haibunists whose work I admire have taken issue with my preference that haibun be autobiographical. One of my favorite writers wrote: I often tell other people’s stories in the first person because I like the intimacy and immediacy of the voice. And even then I manipulate details for effect—whether for the story or the way the words end up on the page. And can’t tell which of her pieces are fictional and which depict real experiences.

Perhaps the most significant way that haibun differs from other short forms is the prose is married to one or more haiku (or tanka) poems. Haibun is a linking form and the nature of the linking is an important aspect of the writing. For example, a haiku that appears at the end of a prose passage isn’t just a three-line expression that is obviously related to the prose theme, and thus could easily be folded back into the prose. It’s meant to step out in some significant way, yet work with the prose to form a sum greater than the two parts: prose and poem.

Thus, Haibun carries the burden of needing to work with a worthy haiku, and not just any three-line aphorism, witticism or ditty. Yuasa has suggested: “… the interaction between haiku poetry and haiku prose is haibun’s greatest merit … The relationship is like that between the moon and the earth: each makes the other more beautiful.”

Various editors have indicated a number of ways this can occur, for example, while not containing a metaphor internally, a haiku may itself serve as a metaphor for aspects of the prose. Or the haiku may serve to close off the piece with a small poem that encapsulates the dominant feeling of the storyline. While some insist that the haiku must be able to stand on its own, without the prose, that’s a secondary concern of mine and others. I didn’t bother myself about whether the haiku in “Unsaddled” could find publication as a stand-alone in a haiku journal. I wrote the poem in the haiku form because I wanted it to fit with readers’ sensibilities of haibun as a coupling of prose and haiku, that is, the poem should follow the “rules’ of haiku” so to speak.

To name a couple of those rules, and these are more pronouncements, the poem should have the characteristics of succinctness and of showing more than telling. Most haiku couple two distinct images or phrases that work together to form the haiku, and most don’t contain poetic devices such as rhyming, metaphors or similes. Regarding the idea that the haiku should have a season word, the English-language form is evolving in many ways from it’s Japanese ancestors. I have an urban sensibility, so I and many contemporary writers don’t concern ourselves with season words (called kigo), a Japanese haiku orthodoxy stemming from its origins at a time when most Japanese lived in country settings. While the haiku in this piece does make a season reference to winter – an image fitting with aging and retirement – I’d not have minded a phrase that doesn’t so obviously reference a season.

I don’t concern myself with syllable counts or line lengths except to work to keep my poems between 10-15 syllables – short enough so they can be read aloud in one breath. The average length of contemporary English-language haiku is about 13 syllables. The 5-7-5 syllable count arose from the 5-7-5, 17-sound-unit count used by traditional Japanese poets which, in length, would be similar to a 13 syllable count in English.

In “Unsaddled,” the cat’s empty bowl references my feelings when I lack the daily news, particularly when others are talking about it. As such, it is meant to serve as a metaphor for the prose storyline. Note that the haiku usually don’t contain an explicit internal metaphor or simile which are usually signaled by the words “like” or “as.” Those are considered a waste of extra words.

This particular piece contains both an epigraph and an internal quote. A decade or so ago, one rarely saw either device being employed in haibun or in other non haike genres. While both practices are showing up more frequently in today’s haibun, there’s a danger in their use. For one thing, both Murrow and White have offered very clever quips about the daily news and both are (or were) well-known writers. So the quality of their words could become the story, with my words but fluff surrounding them. I do hope in this haibun to have added something to their words yet not to have allowed their two quips to get in the way of my storyline. Another aspect is that I admire White’s writing and Murrow’s musings, and I wanted to bring these two luminaries from the last century back to life, so to speak, for today’s readers. In this, I am copying Basho who often referenced the works of Japanese and Chinese poets from earlier eras.

Finally, I’d like some of my haibun to offer readers the possibility of identification and introspection, as in, here’s something to think about in the context of your own lives. While a young person will not likely identify with my experiences in reading the news, I think that many middle-aged and older retirees will. If I share something real about my inner world, perhaps others will find it to be of value. And today, with the entry of Donald Trump onto the world and crazed politics, how could most people not identify with the consistent awfulness of the news? [It Beatles who famously sang “I read the news today, Oh Boy!”] Yet most of us are glued to that dismal news, offered daily and even hourly through numerous media. And yes, at times I’ve gotten back to reading the news, and I’m coming to regret it.

As a final point, no story is just a story. In some cases, I offer challenges to an orthodoxy being advocated by another writer. “Unsaddled” is an example of didactic writing in that I’ve presented what I consider to be an expansion of and even challenge to the ideas of White and Murrow.

Notes:

1) The Commentary was published in Abstract Magazine: Contemporary Expressions, an Online journal devoted to visual and written arts.

2) My haibun, “Unsaddled,” was first published in Haibun Today, January 6, 2008.

3) Both the Murrow and White quotes in “Unsaddled” are taken from E.B. White, “Newspaper Strike,” The New Yorker Archives, December 12, 1953. For those interested in reading more work by E.B. White, try One Man’s Meat, and Essays of E.B. White. Edward R. Murrow was an American broadcast journalist and war correspondent who came to the nation’s attention as the radio voice from a beleaguered London during the Blitz and air Battle of Britain. His compassionate reports contributed to the pro-Allied sympathies that were growing even before Pearl Harbor. Worth listening to and reading, especially in these times is Murrow’s broadcast response to accusations made by the infamous Senator McCarthy that Murrow was left-leaning. McCarthy had led a lengthy witch-hunt for American communists. Murrow’s comments can be read and heard here: Murrow Broadcast

4) The earth/moon quote is taken from Nobuyaki Yuasa’s introduction to his book, Matsuo Basho, The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches, Penguin Classics, 1966.  

5) For an expanded discussion of the relationship between prose and poem, read “A Haibun Editor Suggests,” an essay in Ken Jones Zen website.


Close Encounters of an Italian Kind

Close Encounters of an Italian Kind

“Love . . . I recall the time when you pierced me. It was that sweet, irrecoverable time, when to youth’s eyes, the world’s unhappy landscape smiles like a vision of paradise.” ~ Giancomo Leopardi (1798-1837)

Strapped into a too-narrow, no leg-room Air Canada seat, I’m editing a manuscript. The distinguished-looking fellow beside me looks over and, in a strong Italian accent, says, “Are you a writer or editor?”

“I’m revising some of my writing,” I reply, and hand him a copy of my last haibun collection, hoping it will keep him quiet while I work.

He starts thumbing through, and I can’t help but notice how little time he stays on each page. Is it that bad? I’m thinking.

But he surprises me with, “I see what you’re doing. This type of writing, haibun is it, is demanding of the reader. In the prose part, you’re telling a story, which they’d like because they’re used to being fed stories on TV. But that tiny poem at the end of the prose invites them to step out of their cocoons, to make connections.” It would be useful to add haibun examples when I teach poetry forms because it causes readers and students to think about the relationship of a tiny poem to the title and prose part of the haibun.

“Students? Do you teach in English?” I ask.

“Romance Languages and poetry at the University of Toronto,” he says.

Damn, I’ve handed my work to an academic who writes. poetry and produces literary criticism. What must he really think?

“You’re Italian, yes?” I ask. He nods, and I mention that my mother is of Italian heritage, but her parents had died in the Spanish Flu. Raised in an orphanage, she hadn’t learned her parents’ language.

“No!” he exclaims, “Terrible to lose your language, your treasured heritage!” He names a number of Italian poets, “Do you know any of them?” And without pausing for my answer, says, “Listen! This is Giacomo Leopardi’s poem ‘First Love.’” And he recites it in Italian and then a translation in English.

The poem’s rhythms are musical, and his hands and arms dance, as if driven by an internal puppet master conducting Leopardi’s music for me, an audience of one.

His accent and gestures remind me of those rare visits with my aunt and uncle, Laura and Tommaso Terranova, who regaled us with stories of the old world.

so little English
yet their hands
sing many stories

He squeezes my arm and confides: “My wife tells me I talk too much. Let me know if I’m boring you and I’ll shut up.”

But I gratefully put my editing aside and we chat for the remainder of the flight.

dinner at home –
hands shape
our family’s heritage

Notes

Published in Contemporary Haibun Online, 19.1 2023.

The title is taken from Steven Spielberg’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind, a 1977 science fiction film. It tells the story of a blue-collar worker in Indiana, whose life changes after an encounter with an UFO.

The epigraph is a translation of lines taken from Giacomo Leopardi’s “A Solitary Life,” published in The Canti, in Poetryintranslation website. Italian scholar, poet, essayist and philosopher, Leopardi was one of the great writers of the 19th century. Leopardi’s love problems inspired some of his saddest lyrics. Despite having lived in a small town, Leopardi was in touch with the main ideas of the Enlightenment movement. His literary evolution turned him into one of the well known Romantic poets. (Information taken from the GoodReads website)

A Passage from Issa’s Oraga Haru (The Spring of My Life)

Introduction: This essay examines a passage from Issa Kobayashi’s Oraga Haru (The Spring of My Life), The commentary highlights the cultural context of Issa’s work, noting that while readers can resonate at some level with his themes, a deeper understanding of the piece often requires knowledge of his life and the significance of the cultural and historical details in his writing.

Biography: Issa Kobayashi (1763-1828), a renowned Japanese poet, was 54 years old when he wrote Oraga Haru (translated as The Year of My Life or My Spring) in 1816. This acclaimed book of prose and haiku captures a year of profound personal loss, including the death of his first-born son, set against the backdrop of his native village. Written in the late Edo period under the Tokugawa shogunate, it was a time of political stability on the surface but deepening hardship for ordinary people. Years of poor harvests and the aftermath of serious famines had left many peasants in poverty and insecurity, while rigid class structures kept social mobility low and pushed already struggling samurai and commoners into further distress. Economic strain, rural unrest, and the daily visibility of suffering would have surrounded Issa as he mourned his own family tragedies, helping to shape the somber, world-weary tone and acute awareness of human pain that run through his work from this period.

A Passage from Issa’s Oraga Haru (The Spring of My Life)

Still clothed in the dust of this suffering world, I celebrate the first day in my own way. And yet I am like the priest, for I too shun trite popular seasonal congratulations. The commonplace “crane” and “tortoise” echo like empty words, like the actors who come begging on New Year’s Eve with empty wishes for prosperity. The customary New Year pine will not stand beside my door. I won’t even sweep my dusty house, living as I do in a tiny hermitage constantly threatening to collapse under harsh north winds. I leave it all to Buddha, as in the ancient story.

The way ahead may be dangerous, steep as snowy trails winding through high mountains. Nevertheless I welcome the New Year just as I am.

New Year greeting-time:
I feel about average
welcoming my spring

And although she was born only last May, I gave my little daughter a bowl of soup and a whole rice cake for New Year’s breakfast, saying:

Laughing, crawling, you’re
exploring — already two
years old this morning

No servant to draw wakamizu, New Year’s “first water.”

But look: Deputy
Crow arrives to enjoy
the first New Year’s bath

Relating to and Understanding the Cultural and Historical Illusiong in the passage:

David Lanoue, an Issa scholar, stated that Issa’s writing is “unpretentious, blunt, non-censoring and, often, tongue-in-cheek.” This is apt when applied to the passage from Oraga Haru..

Relating on a Personal Level

Having recently become a new grandfather, I can relate to his delight with young daughter. I also related to Issa’s thoughts and feelings about the holiday season (“I celebrate the first day in my own way“) and (“. . . like the actors who come begging on New Year’s Eve with empty wishes for prosperity. The customary New Year pine will not stand beside my door . . . “). Both passages provided a taste of the Japanese culture of his era. And they seem like statements we, or at least I, might make in reference to the commercialization of our holiday seasons in our 21st century world.

Exploring the deeper cultural and historical Levels

So, if we can understand Issa on this sort of personal level, do we need to dig deeper to fully appreciate his writing? The answer is “yes” and “no.” Yes, we can understand some of his message. No, there are deeper allusions in much of his writing and if we want to fully undersand his writing we need to examine the historical and cultural background. And non-Japanese readers, it’s unlikely we can do so with out a little help.

Issa Scholar Steven Carter makes this point with respect to earlier period hokku (the predecessor of haiku):

Does the many-layered allusive nature of … hokku mean that we cannot understand it without knowing … background circumstances, allusions, and so forth? The answer is, of course, no. Like all texts, hokku survive the demise of the events that produced them, taking on a different life. Carter goes on to indicate what can be gained by deeper exploration of context:

What the exercise of exploring the rhetorical complexity of poems … does teach us … is that hokku when they were first composed, were seldom straightforward poems of natural description, even when they may easily be understood that way which was usually true for later haiku as well.

The passage I selected comes early in Oraga Haru and is more or less an introduction. It has a focus on Issa’s feelings about New Year’s celebrations, observations of his daughter, comments about his poverty and preparation for a forthcoming journey, a spiritual quest, which forms the basis for his full travel journal.  

Initially, Issa states his feelings about the falseness and materialism of Japanese holidays:

I am like the priest, for I too shun trite popular seasonal congratulations. The commonplace “crane” and “tortoise” echo like empty words, like the actors who come begging on New Year’s Eve with empty wishes for prosperity. The customary New Year pine will not stand beside my door. … (tr. Hamill)

As well as the commentaries that come with translations of the masters’ works, the Internet can be a rich source of contextual information. For example, the crane and tortoise are two of the longest lived animals and are used in greetings to express something akin to our own New Year’s toasts: “To a long life and happy new year.” (Miyokographix) With respect to the pine, many Japanese households … put up pine decorations known as “kadomatsu” on either side of entrances. The gods are said to descend from the heavens and dwell in the earthly realm for three days, after which time the decorations are burnt, releasing the spirits back to their realm. So Issa’s reluctance to put a pine beside his door is perhaps akin to me not putting a lit Christmas tree in my window and not having Christmas symbols on my lawn.

A second prose theme in Oraga Haru alludes to the difficulties of the path Issa has chosen:

My own way of celebrating the first of the year is somewhat different (than the priest’s), since the dust of the world still clings to me. . . .  I live in a tiny cottage that might be swept away at any moment by a blast from the wild north wind. . . . I will leave all to Buddha, and though the path ahead be difficult and steep, like a snow-covered road winding through the mountains, I welcome the New Year—even as I am. (tr. Yuasa)

Again, context is important, but not essential. Issa isn’t clothed in dust simply because he’s travel worn. This passage serves as a preface to the start of his year-long travel as a spiritual journey. And some might suggest, is aimed at settling the dust always swirling in our minds.

New Year’s rituals in both Issa’s and our times lead to family gatherings and ritual celebrations. In the next passage, Issa shifts from his negative attitudes about the rituals to the joy of seeing his young daughter explore the world.

And although she was born only last May, I gave my little daughter a bowl of soup and a whole rice cake for New Year’s breakfast, saying:

Laughing, crawling, you’re
exploring — already two
years old this morning
         (tr. Hamill)

Here again, context lends further understanding:

… the Japanese New Year (shogatsu ) is today the most significant holiday in Japan. . . . On Japanese New Year’s Day, the family starts the New Year with a ” breakfast of mochi” or rice cake … (Japan Today website, ibid.)

For us, the rice cake offered his daughter would be viewed as a sparse and inexpensive celebration treat. After all, our typical holiday banquets consist of abundant spreads of sumptuous foods and our problem is obesity, not near starvation. For the poor in Issa’s time, a rice cake would have been an expensive gift to a child too young to appreciate the sacrifice.

The passage may have simply been a joyful moment worth noting, but it may also serve as a metaphor for Issa’s wish that his forthcoming journey will be approached with the freshness of a child experiencing the early years on life’s path. Indeed, many of Issa’s haiku reflect the attitude that becoming child-like was a worthy aim:

turning into a child
on New Year’s Day…
I’d like that!
~ trans. Lanoue

David Lanoue explains: Issa’s decision to become a child again isn’t completely absurd, for it is his mission as a haiku poet to see the world with open, nonjudgmental, child-like eyes. Too many adults, in their daily rush, hurry past Nature’s treasures without paying attention to them, without really seeing them. This year, Issa vows to do otherwise. (Lanoue, The Haiku Guy Website)

Another contextual issue that might be considered is that a Japanese reader knowing about Issa’s life and particularly about the death of his daughter mentioned in the passage is likely to respond to the passage with more compassion than an uninformed western reader would.

The last passage and the third haiku takes us into Issa’s thoughts about transcendence through humor:

No servant to draw wakamizu, New Year’s “first water.”

But look: Deputy
Crow arrives to enjoy
the first New Year’s bath

(tr. Hamill):

Wakamizu, or the first water drawn on the morning of New Year’s Day, is believed to have the magical power to maintain health and prolong life. It is practiced today with ritualistic splendor. (see the Ryukyu Gallery website for images and commentary).

Given this, my reading of the passage is that Issa is sharing his delight in watching the crow enjoy a bath in a rain puddle and perhaps at the same time spoofing yet another of the many formal rituals of his time. Crows figure prominently in Issa’s haiku. In my present culture, the crow is considered by many to be a noisy, invasive pest, and in a mythical or superstitious sense, a harbinger of bad news or even death. However, in Issa’s era the crow may have been seen in a more positive light. In China and Japan, for example, the crow has a positive mythology: three-legged crow lives in the heart of the sun and his three legs represent the morning, afternoon, and evening. And Issa with his focus on creatures is likely to have had a positive view of crows as the social, intelligent and playful, yet noisy nuisances that they are. Here’s an example:

crow and nightingale
pass through it too…
purification hoop

(tr. Lanoue)

This seemingly lackluster haiku is better understood with Lanoue’s context:

This haiku refers to a hoop made out of miscanthus reed, used for a summer purification ritual. If one passes through it, one is protected from infectious diseases. In this haiku, both a crow and a nightingale pass through, suggesting that the hoop welcomes both commoners (crows) and nobility (nightingales). (Lanoue)

Summing Up

Even without the various pieces contextual information presented above, contemporary readers will readily understand Issa’s reactions to New Year’s celebrations and identify with his love of his daughter expressed at the delight of her at play.

While I have curmudgeonly attitudes about our Christmas celebrations, their materialism, falseness and lack of focus on Christian charity, I’ve always treasured the family gatherings. I was enchanted, for example, when my young daughters, dressed as elves, delivered the gifts handed to them by my father-in-law, dressed as Santa. I’m fairly certain that the girls had been psychologically transformed into elves during this family ceremony. On the other hand, a greeting card from my auto dealer or dentist leaves me cold.

With respect to Issa’s focus on human suffering, we may as readers be able to intellectually understand Issa’s Buddhism with its focus on humanity’s suffering. But it’s unlikely that many of us in the relatively rich Western world will embrace the idea of his intended journey as a traveler who will suffer severe privations as a remedy for the world’s suffering. Nor do many in the west believe that such a journey would lead to personal salvation.

One of Issa’ haiku that provides his feelings about the suffering Issa witnessed during his lifetime is and about the indifference of those better off is:

in our world,
we walk on the roof of hell,
gazing at flowers

– Issa (trans. Robert Hass)

The haiku is an apt depiction of western readers who are likely to understand such wholesale suffering only from a distance. One has only to be tuned into today’s (bad) news to know that the Four Horsemen have been particularly active in our lifetimes. But our suffering is more in the form of guilt at the plight of the poor in our own countrys and of third world peoples. Yes, we contribute funds, encourage foreign aid, adopt children, sponsor various development missions, build schools, send medical teams, contribute to food banks. But for the most part, feeling hopeless, we ignore the situation elsewhere as best we can and go on ginkos and sniff the flowers.

Conclusion:

To summarize, to an extent, Issa’s haibun can be understood and identified with on personal level even across the gaps of several centuries. However, even this brief exploration into context has helped me to understand Issa’s particular circumstances which informs his prose and haiku.

Notes: The translation of The Spring of My Life: And Selected Haiku by Kobayashi Issa (Author), Sam Hamill (Translator) Format: Kindle or Hardcover edition can be purchases on Amazon.com.

About Issa’s and Basho’s travel journals.

In preparing this essay on Issa’s journal I noticed how different Issa’s style and structure is to Basho’s. I corresponded on this issue with Jeffrey Woodward, founder/editor of Haibun Today, and he offered the following in an email correspondence:

Basho situates his own book within the travel genre; its organization therefore follows his itinerary which, as Japanese literary tradition would have it, is centered around “poetic places,” spots made famous by poems written over the generations. These poetic places offer a chronological sequence in his visitation and allusion (based on the poems previously composed about them).

The very absence of any such convention in the UK or North America, of poetic places with conventional associations based upon the poems composed there, is one reason that travel haibun in English are so often impoverished.

The structure of Issa’sOraga Haru doesn’t have an itinerary, as his intended pilgrimage is comically cut short by his own homesickness, and so, at a first glance, his haibun seem to be a tissue of anecdotes, some concerning himself, others concerning memorable characters such as the New Year’s priest, the gardener with his false paper peonies, etc.

You cannot look at Basho for parallels but must turn, therefore, to Sei Shōnagon’s Pillow Book, Kamo no Chōmei’s An Account of a Ten-Foot-Square Hut and Yoshida Kenkō’s Essays in Idleness.

While Issa presents what superficially appear to be many disconnected anecdotes, the anecdotes, observations and poems are like so many beads quietly joined by unifying threads (motifs) such as his daughter’s death and his general reflections upon mutability, his impoverished status and his willingness to “leave it all to the Buddha.” The repetition of major motifs, with variations, is what makes the chaotic surface phenomena cohere at the deeper level.

A Monk’s Journey

courtesan and monk,
we sleep under one roof together,
moon in a field of clover
~ Bashō

Outside, apple blossoms glow in the dusk. She lies on her side, head propped up on a pillow, her eyes telling me that something important is coming, my eyes taking in the candlelight on her breasts.

“I need to know more about you,” she says.

“Do you mean about being a monk?”

“Yes, because right now you don’t seem very much like a monk.” She glances at my hand wandering slowly along the curve of her hip.

“You’re thinking about Christian monks, the ones who lived in dank cells, ate lentils and hard bread; the ones who whipped themselves. Think instead about Bashō, the Japanese monk who traveled extensively, shared his poetry with peasants and samurai nobles, loved flowers, enjoyed the company of women. Think more of a European troubadour with haiku as his song – but in this case, an older guy, with gray hair.”

I’m a wanderer
so let that be my name –
the first winter rain
~ Bashō

“Does this mean that I’m just someone who happens to sleep with you?”

“No, but I’ve been a partner all of my life and for now I need not to be.”

“So what am I?” she asks. “I don’t know how to tell my friends whatever it is we’re doing. It feels like more than dating or having sex and it’s not friendship because I don’t sleep with my friends.”

how reluctantly
the bee emerges
from deep within the peony
~ Bashō

“Can’t we simply enjoy what we have,” I reply.

“I’m reluctant to give up the feel of your skin against mine, but I’ll have to think about this.” She pecks a kiss, dresses and leaves.

A week later her note arrives: “I have such good memories of our moments together. It’s a gift to desire and be desired, but we need such different things.”

winter seclusion –
sitting propped against
the same worn post
~ Bashō

monkshood bloom
the whine of mosquitoes
seems dimnished
~ Ray Rasmussen

red bar

haibun: First published in Simply Haiku, 6:4, Winter 2008.
Ray Rasmussen’s haiku was published in Modern haiku.
Basho’s haiku are translations found at the website titled “Bashō” which cited R.H. Blyth, W.J. Higginson, J. Reichhold and Sam Hamill as among the various translators.

Harriot West’s Minimalist Haibun

Writing is not an exercise in excision,
it’s a journey into sound.

~ E.B. White

If they wish to have their work published, most successful haibun poets understand the importance of revising, and revising, and revising that first inspirational splash of words onto the page. E.B. White, one of the great storytellers of the 20th century and co-author of the famous “The Elements of Style,” notes that revision is not mere excising but wordsmithing until a piece resonates.

Most published haibun contain far fewer words than nearly all closely related literary genres — memoirs, personal essays, travel accounts, short stories. Even most published flash fiction pieces I’ve read are longer than the average published haibun.

Given this, it’s odd that the term “minimalist haibun” appears in the literature at all, as if most published haibun weren’t already minimalist — a paragraph or two of prose coupled with a single haiku. Yet Harriot West’s published haibun are among the shortest and most resonant I’ve encountered in haiku-genre journals. They have just enough prose to present a storyline married with a haiku that steps out and completes the story in an important way.

With this in mind, I explore several of West’s haibun to consider what she achieves with so few words. The three I’ve selected have different storylines, suggesting that theme and story alone don’t account for the effect.


Harriot West

Maybe

he’s looking at me but I can’t be sure. I feign interest in the drummer’s solo, slide my index finger down the inside of my lover’s arm

candlelight
the horn player’s
swollen lips


The Way Things Were

There she is on eBay—the doll mother never let me have—poor Barbie, dismissed in the house where I grew up as cheap, not for the plastic she was made of but for her perky in-your-face breasts.

sepia shadows
a young girl tugs
at her tee shirt


What Matters

You call to say your husband is dying. “He has lost the will to live.” After a pause, you apologize for the cliché. I’m unsure what to say. People die every day—it’s hardly worth the effort to put his struggle into fresh language. Rather save your strength for the constant changing of sheets, the preparation of small meals left uneaten, endless phone calls from well-meaning friends, and the gentle swabbing of his parched lips.

after the funeral
slowly rolling socks
into pairs


Commentary:

The Issues to be covered are whether shortness and succinctness are the defining characteristics of minimalist work and whether such minimal work can have the aural/poetic quality suggested in White’s aphorism. In addition, I explore some of the more frequently mentioned characteristics of haibun composition to see what it is that makes West’s poems sing.

  1. Short and Succinct:

Numerous writers have stated that haibun prose should be short with just enough text to convey the writer’s intent. Consider as examples the following terms: “terse” (Paul Conneally), “brief and concise,” (Jim Norton), “short and crisp” (Ken Jones), “economical in wording” (W.F. Owen).1 Shortness might be defined by the number of words and, as some have suggested, the length of sentences.

West’s “Maybe” has 34 words; “The Way Things Were,” 52; and “What Matters,” 84. Contrast these with a recent issue of Haibun Today (8:1) where 48 haibun average 166 words and Contemporary Haibun Online (9:4) where 67 haibun average 141 words. “Maybe” with 34 words would be the shortest piece published in either issue.

A passage by Ken Jones emphasizes both shortness and succinctness by discussing how best to avoid being long-winded:

The most common mark of the amateur is to try too hard, with fruity, overblown writing, sinking under the weight of its adjectives. . . . (Haibun) sentences are often short and crisp with an easy-going flow, and may eschew the niceties of grammar to achieve this effect. Abstract ideas and opinions, and anything else that is writer-centric have no place. If you want to write about love or any other such emotion, then the feeling needs to be expressed in appropriate imagery drawn from experience and not by simply expressing your thoughts about the matter or by creating a fictional romance story (emphasis mine).2

Notably, Jones is not calling for short word counts alone. His own haibun in those same two issues fall at 209 and 335 words and are among the longest in the two issues.

With respect to short and crisp sentences, two of West’s are relatively long, coming in at 30 or more words. And some very good haibun fall into a stream-of-consciousness style with very long sentences. Surely long sentences can be crisp with an easy-going flow. Consider this passage from “What Matters”:

Rather save your strength for the constant changing of sheets, the preparation of small meals left uneaten, endless phone calls from well-meaning friends, and the gentle swabbing of his parched lips.

I can’t think of anything in this paragraph that I’d cut. Would you, for example, cut “constant,” “small,” “endless,” “well-meaning,” or “gentle”? Or would you cut any of the phrases? Or would you replace the commas with periods to shorten the sentences? My answer to each is no. This, despite the fact that in roughly 90% of submissions I’ve received as an editor, I could easily have suggested significant cuts, and I often recommended breaking up overlong sentences to create a better flow. And I’ve seen and received comments by other editors on my own work to the effect, “Cut this by 50% and I’ll consider it.”

If a short word count and crispness of style are defining characteristics of minimalist haibun, then West’s pieces certainly fit the bill. What else makes her work so effective?

  1. The Aural Aspect of Poetry: Journey into Sound

Haibun prose has also been described as more than short and succinct — for example, as a “short prose poem.”3 Indeed, while many of the above terms used to describe haibun seem to focus solely on shortness and succinctness, it is taken for granted that a haibun must also be well written, if not poetic. Even common definitions of these terms indicate that more is needed than brevity. As examples, “terse” is defined in Merriam-Webster Online as “the quality or state of being marked by or using only few words to convey much meaning (emphasis mine)”; and prose poetry has been defined as prose that incorporates some or all of the following: a focus on images, poetic meter, language play such as repetition, and image-driven metaphors and similes.4

Thus, the call is not just for shortness, but also for shortness with narrative quality or even poetic flair.

The emphasis on succinctness in modern writing was established by The Elements of Style, which has been called “the little book that has done more to shape writing in the English language than any other guide in modern times.” In it Strunk wrote:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell (emphasis mine).5

It is worth noting that Strunk’s later co-author — the very advocate of “no unnecessary words” — is E.B. White, one of the best short story writers of his generation. White evidently felt differently about what sounds like an imperative to cut, cut, cut. Here is a letter White wrote to a reader inquiring about his thoughts on the matter:

Dear Mr. –
It comes down to the meaning of ‘needless.’ Often a word can be removed without destroying the structure of a sentence, but that does not necessarily mean that the word is needless or that the sentence has gained by its removal.
If you were to put a narrow construction on the word ‘needless,’ you would have to remove tens of thousands of words from Shakespeare, who seldom said anything in six words that could be said in twenty. Writing is not an exercise in excision, it’s a journey into sound (emphasis mine). How about ‘tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow’? One tomorrow would suffice, but it’s the other two that have made the thing immortal.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your letter.
Yrs,
E. B. White6

“Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow” is the beginning of one of the most famous passages in Shakespeare’s works. When Macbeth learns of Lady Macbeth’s death, he delivers it as his response. The soliloquy is a prime example of poetry as music, as an aural as well as visual experience. Try reading it aloud to get the gist of White’s usage of “journey into sound”:

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

It has been noted that when most people think of poetry, the first things that come to mind are sound and meter. Indeed, for thousands of years, poetic form has been defined by its cadence, its song-like rhythms, and its sound effects.7 Consider this first stanza from Kipling’s “Mandalay” where rhyme and repetition serve to make the poem aural, even when read silently, and almost like a song when read aloud.

By the old Moulmein Pagoda,
lookin’ eastward to the sea,
There’s a Burma girl a-settin’,
and I know she thinks o’ me;
For the wind is in the palm-trees,
and the temple-bells they say:
“Come you back, you British soldier;
come you back to Mandalay!”
Come you back to Mandalay,
Where the old Flotilla lay:
Can’t you ‘ear their paddles chunkin’
from Rangoon to Mandalay?
On the road to Mandalay,
Where the flyin’-fishes play,
An’ the dawn comes up like thunder
outer China ‘crost the Bay!

Jeffrey Woodward has suggested that published haibun may be roughly divided into two types:

I offer narrative and lyric . . . as two common tendencies in haibun — the poet’s focus, on the one hand, upon an event or action and the poet’s interest, on the other hand, in the aesthetic properties of the language proper.8

Most haibun poets use a rather straightforward narrative style with little attention to poetic devices. But haibun prose, at its lyrical best as practiced only by a few, tends to be more like free-verse poetry. As Woodward suggests, various poetic devices are used to make the words more than a simple narrative. These include repetition, assonance, consonance, alliteration, onomatopoeia, accent, and pause. In a commentary, for example, I explored Woodward’s conscious use of repetition to create a lyrical feel. His “Time with the Heron”9 surely is what White meant by “a journey into sound.”

Does West’s work have an aural quality via poetic techniques? In a private correspondence, Jeffrey Woodward offers this take on West’s three haibun:

There’s some alliteration and assonance in “The Way Things Were,” e.g., eBay/Barbie/breasts, plastic/perky, tugs/tee shirt (alliteration) while the long /e/ of she/cheap in the prose forms a significant link to sepia/tee shirt in the haiku (assonance).

“What Matters” has the concealed rhyme of cliché—say—day that binds together sentences 3, 4 and 5. It also has the grammatical parallelism of

Rather save your strength for the constant changing of sheets, the preparation of small meals left uneaten, endless phone calls from well-meaning friends, and the gentle swabbing of his parched lips.

where we have the implied anaphora of “Rather save your strength for . . .” that links the four clauses. That structure is so common in prose, however, that many readers may be deaf to its music.10

Even so, as I read West’s haibun both silently and aloud, it strikes me that it is more the well-crafted succinctness and easygoing flow that make her work sing.

Perhaps, as Paul Conneally puts it, if haibun poets do a sufficient job of the basics, their work will also sing:

I favor haibun where the prose element is ‘haikai’ in style — terse, imagistic — often with elements of shortened syntax leading to some phrase and fragment type phrasing . . . 11

  1. Reporting from Experience: Honesty and Disclosure

Beyond the potential of achieving an aural quality through haikai-like phrasing, there are other aspects of West’s work that lend insight to why her minimal pieces work so well. Paul Conneally writes:

Many believe that all haikai writing should be of, from and about direct experience — well yes — but more than anything I feel it should be about honesty — and this does not mean that there is no room for fiction or empathetic writing — but that all such writing should strive for an honesty of feeling – feeling that comes directly from a linking with the writer’s own experiences both directly with the external world that we all inhabit and their internal world, the world of emotion, thought and yes, dreams.12

As a starting point, consider fiction, defined in the Online Oxford Dictionary as “literature that tells stories which are imagined by the writer.” Of course, most writing, even published haibun which on balance dwells in the non-fiction camp, is modified from factual reality in order to avoid overwhelming readers with detail and, thus, keep them engaged. Unlike other literary genres, most haibun contain narrative accounts of experiences the writers have had in the recent or distant past. If haiku is about a moment of time, a haibun is about an experience over time, even one linking past and present, real or dreamt. These might include travel journals, nature walks, conversations, small events, something read or seen in a film, remembered dreams, fantasy, and inner (unspoken) mental dialogues. And, of course, recently there has been a trend toward haibun prose that is clearly fiction.

In all three haibun, West uses imagery drawn from real events and people she has encountered — or at least her stories read that way. In “What Matters,” she both provides reportage about a telephone conversation and presents her unspoken inner dialogue about how the situation should be handled. I’ve taken the liberty of putting the reportage in plain text and the inner dialogue (or what Conneally calls descriptions of the writer’s “internal world, the world of emotion and thought”) in italics:

You call to say your husband is dying. “He has lost the will to live.” After a pause, you apologize for the cliché. I’m unsure what to say. People die every day — it’s hardly worth the effort to put his struggle into fresh language. Rather save your strength for the constant changing of sheets, the preparation of small meals left uneaten, endless phone calls from well-meaning friends, and the gentle swabbing of his parched lips.

West’s “Maybe,” presented below as a series of phrases, fits Conneally’s key characteristics. It contains 1) a series of shortened phrases, 2) in the present tense, 3) that are well linked, and 4) are about a personal experience. Together, these create a sense of “being there” — and fit Conneally’s key characteristics.

Maybe

he’s looking at me
but I can’t be sure.

I feign interest
in the drummer’s solo,
slide my index finger
down the inside
of my lover’s arm.

candlelight
the horn player’s
swollen lips

  1. Clarity and Ambiguity

Billy Collins, past Poet Laureate of the United States, writes that readers crave “a mixture of clarity and mysteriousness.”13 We want clarity about what is happening in the story and the sense that it is a complete story. Yet we also need a sense of ambiguity, following the adage that a writer shouldn’t tell all, that room should be left for readers to relate the story to their own experiences. Canadian author Lisa Moore expands on this:

Stories never belong to the author who happens to write them down, they are also the creation of each individual reader. I sometimes imagine stories and novels are like the transparent film of soap that coats a child’s bubble wand — and the breath that blows it into a bubble, is the breath of the reader. The reader’s imagination gives a story shape and substance. It is a private and secret bubble of experience belonging solely to the reader, lasting for as long as the reading of the book lasts, ending with the turn of the final page, when the bubble bursts, and the ‘real’ world becomes solid again.14

The following six-word story is often, if perhaps apocryphally, attributed to Hemingway:

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.15

Three short pieces of descriptive detail — and immediately, imagination takes over, filling in the backstory. Does yours?

Despite their shortness, West’s haibun feel clear and complete. I don’t need to know more or have anything further explained or described to understand them. This doesn’t mean that there is no ambiguity. For example, in “Maybe,” the word “he” allows me to imagine who “he” might be. Is it the drummer? The horn player? A man at another table? Her lover? And why is she “feigning” interest in the drummer? Does she not want to appear obvious to the horn player or to her lover?

Not knowing what happens next in West’s story, I am free to imagine outcomes. Do she and her lover go home and frolic under the covers? If they do, will she be fantasizing about the horn player? Will they have a fight because her lover caught her being overly interested in the horn player? All are possible in my reader’s imagination. But what if my imagination has misled me or is different than yours? Does it matter? I think not. West has provided sufficient information to stir my interest and I’ve enjoyed taking the story to my own conclusions.

  1. Disclosure

The Oxford Online Dictionary defines “disclosure” as the action of making new or secret information known. In “A Secret Life,” Stephen Dunn explores the place of secrecy in our lives:

The secret life
begins early, is kept alive
by all that’s unpopular
in you … 16
(emphasis mine)

We all have secrets, even from our spouses and most cherished friends. Most haibun are personal — some even called “confessional,” a term used pejoratively — revealing thoughts and behaviors not normally spoken aloud. In choosing personal experiences, we are at some level telling secrets about our lives and thoughts. Some secrets are more often hidden than others, and thus perhaps more compelling.

In my interpretation of West’s “Maybe” there is an attraction to a musician while dining with her lover, a transfer of the sensuality of the music and that attraction to her lover, who I am sure would not be happy being a surrogate for another man. She feigns interest in order to keep her secret.

In “What Matters,” a friend has called to say that her husband is dying. Instead of offering up the usual placations and platitudes, West reveals to her readers (if not to her friend) her inner dialogue, the secret things we think about the behaviors and experiences of our friends, but normally keep hidden: “People die every day — it’s hardly worth the effort to put his struggle into fresh language.” Such thoughts are unpopular to express at such times, and yet are what many of us might think, while diplomatically offering a conventional bit of sympathy.

In “The Way Things Were,” West reports the experience of not being allowed to have a Barbie Doll, of the doll’s perky breasts. As a boy, I remember secretly inspecting my sister’s dolls, disappointed to find they had neither breasts nor other particulars of the female anatomy. When my partner read through this commentary on West’s haibun, she asked: “Did you really do that?” That was my secret, until now that I’ve put it in print. West’s haiku is about a memory of herself or an observation of a young girl she has seen tugging at her tee shirt — checking, hiding, or perhaps both. Part of the charm of this piece is in its candor. Male readers might not know about these “young girl” behaviors, although having inspected our own bodies for signs of sexual maturity, we can well understand both the behavior and the impulse for secrecy.

  1. Authenticity

The Oxford Online Dictionary defines “authentic” as “made or done in a way that faithfully resembles an original.” West’s haibun feel as if they happened to real people. As I read “Maybe” I had the feeling that I was there at the jazz club. It doesn’t matter so much whether West was actually at a jazz club or whether the piece was fantasy. What matters is that most readers have been in situations where they are attracted to someone other than their mate and have responded sensually to the music they’re hearing.

In “The Way Things Were,” women readers will readily identify with playing with dolls and the psychological and physical transitions from girl to woman. And even I, as a male reader, can identify with things our parents never let us have. In my case it was a pellet gun — my plan being to become a big game hunter by shooting birds in the backyard. That Christmas I got socks, underwear, and a book on birding, possibly as punishment for having announced my murderous intentions. (There goes another of my secrets.)

In “What Matters,” I felt as if I was on the phone line, and could identify with both parties. Or at the bedside of an ailing parent, experiencing the deadening routines of palliative care and the agony of the person receiving care. Who has not been in a situation where a friend calls to lament loss? Who has not called a friend with a lament about infirmity and death?

  1. The Haiku

In my view, the more minimal the prose, the more important the haiku. This is not to say that the haiku are ever unimportant. As Nobuyuki Yuasa puts it:

. . . I should like to impose one severe restriction on haibun: that it has to be a blend of haiku poetry and haiku prose; the interaction between these is haibun’s greatest merit. In good haibun, the prose deepens the understanding of the poetry, and the poetry gives greater energy to the prose. The relationship is like that between the moon and the earth: each makes the other more beautiful.17

West’s haiku add new dimensions to the story and are complete stories in themselves. Take the haiku in “The Way Things Were”:

sepia shadows
a young girl tugs
at her tee shirt

The word “shadows” evokes subjects usually kept hidden. “Sepia” suggests memory and age. The young girl tugging at her tee shirt is a vivid “show” about the behavior of a young girl. No need to “tell” us what it means. We can let our reader’s imagination run with it.

The haiku in “What Matters”

after the funeral
slowly rolling socks
into pairs

moves us forward in time, past the funeral itself. The widow has a new set of challenges, her life no longer the snug pair it once was, but something to be lived singly.

In all, it is little wonder that West was included in A New Resonance 5: Emerging Voices in English Language Haiku.

  1. Titles

Increasingly, there is a call for focus on titles in haibun composition; a haibun is seen as a form that links title, prose, and haiku. Roberta Beary, haibun editor of Modern Haiku, for example has written:

In haibun, the wrong title is like a wrong number. It makes the reader want to hang up the phone. A haibun’s title should be strong enough to draw the reader into the prose and make the reader want more. Let the title be a link to the prose and the haiku, not give away the rest of the piece. After reading the entire haibun, the reader should be able to look at the title and see more than one meaning.18

“Maybe” is the first word in the first sentence of the prose. By isolating it as the title, West has placed extra emphasis on her inner world … she isn’t sure, perhaps she’s hopeful?

“The Way Things Were” links in various ways with the prose and poem. We know two things that mattered to the girl. And that’s the way things were — the past of most families where things were more hidden, sexuality made less obvious.

“What Matters” also links to both prose and poem, suggesting that the details of care matter in the palliative life of an infirm or dying partner, and, after death, what matters is the new life of being single, no longer a pair.

  1. Minimalism

Haiku have been variously described as a “moment,” a “snapshot,” an “epiphany.” Minimalist haibun are not just about brevity. Their focus, as practiced by West and others, is on small scenes or snippets of life expressed in crisp, haikai-like phrases. “Maybe” represents a few moments at a jazz club; “What Matters,” a short conversation coupled with thoughts about palliative care; and “The Way Things Were,” memories triggered by an observation — seeing a Barbie on eBay and/or a young girl tugging at her shirt — embellished with a memory. They use an economy of words to tell a story whole enough for the reader to feel that story’s completeness and yet leave room for the reader’s imagination.

Should we all write in a minimalist style? My answer is yes and no.

Yes, with a caveat. West’s minimalism has led me to consider making my writing more succinct, but not necessarily toward very short. When serving as the chair of the World Haiku Club’s haibun section, Paul Conneally recommended that after completing an early, often wordy draft, a writer might: 1) strip out the key phrases, 2) eliminate redundancies, 3) piece the fragments back together to attain the easygoing flow that Jones talks about.19 This would make any piece shorter and crisper, even if not aiming for the extreme brevity of West’s pieces. And if more poetics are needed, the writer could add back one or two excised “tomorrows” or consider employing poetry techniques such as repetition or assonance.

My answer is also no. As any reader of the genre can see, there are very few longer haibun in the published works. If anything, the genre would benefit if more writers, at least on occasion, reached for narratives that encompassed more of a life, larger experiences, a series of linked scenes.

Conclusion

Hemingway wrote:

All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer (emphasis mine).20

With a very limited use of words, West has created pieces that made me feel as if her places and people belong to me; her experiences matter not only to her, but also to me, the reader. She has led me to ruminations about my own, similar or related experiences. That is what she has given to this reader. Though this essay is not a review of West’s forthcoming book, Into the Light, I have read a draft and can strongly recommend it.

Acknowledgments:

Haibun by Harriot West are reprinted with her permission.

Harriot West’s book, Into the Light, will be published soon by Mountains and Rivers Press, Eugene, Oregon.
url: http://mountainsandriverspress.org/Home.aspx

Her haibun and haiku have been published widely and anthologized. She is one of the haiku poets featured in A New Resonance 5: Emerging Voices in English Language Haiku.

Thanks to Jeffrey Woodward and Nancy Hull for offering helpful suggestions. And particularly to Jeffrey Woodward, whose background in classical and modern poetry forms enables him to keep me on track when I delve into those areas.

Footnotes:

  1. All three haibun appear in Harriot West’s book Shades of Absence. It can be purchased at Red Moon Press. She lives in Eugene, Oregon. Her first book, Into the Light, a collection of haibun (Mountains and Rivers Press, 2014) tied for first place in the Haiku Society of America’s Mildred Kanterman Book Awards. Her work appears in journals and anthologies, including Modern Haiku, KYSO Flash, Haibun Today, Contemporary Haibun, The Norton Anthology of Haiku in English, Journeys 2015 and Best Small Fictions, 2017. She has just released her second book,
  2. Examples taken from the Haibun Today Resources page.
    url: http://haibuntoday.com/pages/definitions.html
  3. Ken Jones, “Guidelines for Our Would-be Contributors,” Contemporary Haibun Online Archives.
    Add url: http://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/pages_all/Jones_Guidelines.html
  4. Haiku Society of America’s Definitions Page.
    Add url: http://www.hsa-haiku.org/archives/HSA_Definitions_2004.html
  5. Megan Pryor, “Prose Poems: Definition & Famous Examples,” Education Portal website, taken October 17, 2014.
    Add url: http://education-portal.com/academy/lesson/prose-poems-definition-famous-examples.html#lesson
  6. “The Elements of Style,” taken from Wikipedia on October 16, 2014.
    Add url: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elements_of_Style
  7. E.B. White, “Letters of E.B. White,” Originally edited by Dorothy Lobrano Guth, and revised and updated by Martha White, Harper; Revised edition, 2006.
  8. “Introduction to Sound and Meter,” taken from Purdue Poetry Website on October 16, 2014.
    Add url: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/570/01/
  9. “Terra Incognita: The World of Haibun and Tanka Prose, An Interview with Jeffrey Woodward,” Contemporary Haibun Online Articles Section.
    Add url: http://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/articles/woodward_haibun_09.html
  10. “Jeffrey Woodward’s ‘Time with the Heron’ – Poetic Techniques in Haibun Composition,” Contemporary Haibun Online 9:3 October 2013.
    Add url: http://contemporaryhaibunonline.com/pages93/aaRasmussen_Woodward.html
  11. Jeffrey Woodward, Private Correspondence, September 28, 2014.
  12. Paul Conneally, Editor’s Introduction, Simply Haiku.
    Add url: http://www.simplyhaiku.com/SHv4n1/haibun/introduction_haibun2005.html
  13. Paul Conneally, ibid.
  14. “Collins Values Approachable Poetry, Not Pretension,” Transcript of an Interview, NPR Books Website, April 06, 2011 1:00 PM, taken from the Internet on December 8, 2013.
    Add url: http://www.npr.org/2011/04/06/135181560/collins-values-accessible-poetry-not-pretension
  15. “Lisa Moore on taking February from page to stage,” Canada Reads Website, taken on October 16, 2014.
    Add url: http://www.cbc.ca/books/canadareads/2013/01/lisa-moore-on-taking-february-from-page-to-stage.html
  16. “For sale: baby shoes, never worn,” taken from Wikipedia on February 20, 2014. “(This passage) is the entirety of what has been described as a six-word novel, making it an extreme example of what is called flash fiction . . . Although it is often attributed to Ernest Hemingway, the link to him is unsubstantiated and similarly titled stories predate him.”
    Add url: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_sale:_baby_shoes,_never_worn
  17. Stephen Dunn, “A Secret Life,” from Landscape at the End of the Century (W.W. Norton and Company). The entire poem can be read on The Writer’s Almanac website.
    Add url: http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org/index.php?date=2002/06/24
  18. Quoted on the Haibun Today Resources page from Blithe Spirit, V10, N3, Sept 2000.
    Add url: http://haibuntoday.com/pages/definitions.html
  19. Roberta Beary, “The Lost Weekend,” Frogpond, Volume 34:3 2011.
  20. Private correspondence with Paul Conneally, December, 2008.
  21. Quote taken from Goodreads website on October 16, 2014.
    Add url: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/12483-all-good-books-are-alike-in-that-they-are-truer

Readings:

Readings of Kipling’s “Mandalay” can be found here:
Add url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnPBY-_3qD8
Add url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bm9ItmU-kmg

Ian McKellen discusses and then reads Macbeth’s soliloquy.
Add url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGbZCgHQ9m8

Two readings of Macbeth’s soliloquy by Brett Underwood:
Add url: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-VTOX-eBiQ

.

A Winter Renewal with Issa

| Comments on Issa’s Haiku | A Few Haiku by Issa |

Issa and I have resided in this remote Ontario cabin for a month now. He speaks to me through his writing and accompanies me on my walks. I speak to him by writing about his poetry. Today, he’s lecturing me on compassion:

don’t worry spiders
I keep house
casually

~ Issa

So instead of engaging in my usual spider mayhem by employing the broom as a weapon of web destruction, I try to keep spidy and friends at a comfortable distance as I write this haibun and commentary based on an excerpt from Issa’s travel journal, Oraga Haru.

Finished writing for the day, I don snowshoes for a walk. The wildlife tracks are numerous: fox, deer, coyote, porcupine, rabbit, squirrel, endearing tiny tracks, and for the first time in a long while, wild turkey . . . and I wonder how a wild turkey would taste . . .

don’t worry turkeys
I hunt
quite ineptly

~ ray rasmussen (after Issa)

Back in the cabin, the radio informs me about the corona virus pandemic. And Issa shares some of the angst of his era …

in this world
we walk on the roof of hell,
gazing at flowers

~ Issa

It’s winter, Issa, no flowers here. Will this leaf hanging from a small shrub do? Today I’m capturing images of the bluish tree shadows cast by the setting sun. I can’t help but feel remiss in my compassion for humanity while enjoying winter’s sublime beauty.

in this world,
a virus plagues our minds,
gazing at tree shadows

~ ray rasmussen (after Issa)

I look out at the maple, ash and oak trees, all stripped of their leaves, and see myself, self-isolated, stripped of friends and obligations, and yet some weathered leaves have remained through winter on the beech trees, just as warm memories of friends and family have remained in my heart while away.

And so Issa shows me a way through adversity:

what good luck!
bitten by
this year’s mosquitoes too

~ Issa

Thank you, Issa mentor-friend . . .

what good luck!
yet another day refreshed
by frigid winds

~ ray rasmussen (after Issa)

~ end ~


Notes

The haiku by Issa are translations by Robert Hass. My 3-line poems are modelled on Issa’s.

The commentary on Issa’s haibun that I referenced in the haibun above appears as a feature in A Hundred Gourds 3:3 June 2014.

Below is an excerpt (with a few modifications) about the life of Kobayashi Issa taken from David G. Lanoue’s Haiku Guy website. If you’d like to know more about the poet that many Japanese think of as their favourite haiku master or peruse many of Lanoue’s translations of Issa’s haiku, the Haiku Guy website is the place to visit.

Koybayashi Issa (1763-1828) practiced the art of haiku (then called haikai) as he wandered the length and breadth of Japan. Though his real name was Kobayashi Yatarô, he chose Issa (Cup-of-Tea) as his haiku name. He also referenced himself as “Shinano Province’s Chief Beggar” and “Priest Cup-of-Tea of Haiku Temple.” His work was imbued with Buddhist themes: sin, grace, trusting in Amida Buddha, reincarnation, transience, compassion, and the joyful celebration of the ordinary. ~ David G. Lanoue (statement modified a bit by Ray Rasmussen)

Bob Lucky, Ethiopian Time: A Book Review

by Bob Lucky
reviewed by Ray Rasmussen
Published in A Hundred Gourds

Bob Lucky, Ethiopian Time, Red Bird Chapbooks, 2014 29 haibun, tanka prose and prose poems 5.5″ x 7″, 52 pages, single signature Hand-sewn binding Limited Edition of 100 copies Orders through Red Bird Chapbooks $12 – $20, depending on shipping.

Over the last two evenings, I’ve been happily reading Bob Lucky’s first chapbook, Ethiopian Time, a collection of haibun, tanka prose and prose poetry. Well known for his writing by anyone who regularly reads A Hundred Gourds, Contemporary Haibun Online, Haibun Today and the haiku genre print journals, bottle rockets, Modern Haiku and Frogpond, where his work has appeared regularly for many years, it’s timely for him to have offered a collection. This one is focused on his four-year stint as a teacher while residing in Addis Ababa. As such, it’s a travel journal in the best sense of that word, a westerner’s poignant insights into a place we’ve all heard of, but which few of us have visited.

This review focuses on thas haibun that appear in the collection. The first piece, “New Home,” is a sketch of Lucky’s and his wife’s initial days in Ethiopia, where he worked as a school teacher. It’s their first exploration of the neighborhood.

New Home

During a break in the rain, we go out and explore the neighborhood. The road down from our house to the hillside village is slick with mud, so we go the opposite way on a paved road winding along the ridge. This is an upscale area, home to politicians whose watchmen carry AK47s, not the green rubber baton our two watchmen share. Tucked into a wall is a tiny shop selling the plastic flip-flops we need, the temporary solution our electrician has come up with to prevent us from getting shocked in the shower.

sunset
along the wall
the gleam of razor wire

Consider the comparisons Lucky has shown us:
• The road down from Lucky’s house to the hillside village is slick with mud. The other road to the upscale area, home of the politicians, is paved.
• There, the watchmen carry AK47s. In Lucky’s area, the watchmen have to share a rubber baton.
• In Lucky’s rented home, flip-flops are needed to prevent a shock while showering. One can assume the upscale homes don’t share this problem.

The haiku offers more. Where normally we might expect a soothing image coupled with “sunset,” instead we have:

sunset
along the wall
the gleam of razor wire.

This particular piece is noteworthy for its absence of editorializing. The image of razor wire, coupled with the descriptive comparisons in the prose, are much more effective in showing us the political and social issues in Ethiopia than telling us about them. Both prose and haiku suggest social unrest, perhaps due to the differences between the haves and have nots.

Another piece, “Keeping Track” provides elements of Lucky’s writing that I very much enjoy – humour and his ability to bring to life the little things that matter.

Keeping Track

drool on my pillow,
the thread
of a dream unravels.

My wife reminds me that it’s my birthday. At a certain age, no one allows you to forget anything. Later, everyone’s amazed when you remember anything.

rainy season
the warmth
of ironed underwear

One way to judge a work is the degree to which it brings readers insights into their own experiences. At my age, drool is an unfortunate possibility and birthdays have become reminders of aging, rather than celebrations. Whatever well-intended sentiment is expressed in them, birthday emails and cards merely inform me that I’m one step closer to an end I’ve not yet come to grips with.

Another way to judge a work is to consider the degree of surprise or unusualness. In the second haiku, the lead phrase “rainy season” leads me to anticipate a typical following phrase, namely something gloomy. Instead, Lucky surprises by describing his warm underwear, which made me laugh. Who irons underwear, much less writes haiku about its warmth? No one, except in a place where there’s no other way it would ever get dry. The ironed warmth of his underwear may also help with what I assume is the dampness of his Ethiopian home – high humidity, yes? Taken in relation to the first haiku’s ‘drool,’ we’re reminded that incontinence can happen in old age, a dampening of the spirit as well as the underwear. And Bob Lucky is not one to avoid alluding to such things. Overall, perhaps it’s the little things in life, like dry underwear, that matter most.

I also appreciate this piece because it allows us to reconsider one of the most common pronouncements about how to write haibun, namely that the prose should be rich with descriptive detail (showing) and hold back on philosophizing or generalizing (telling). Yet more than half of the prose is telling. For me, it works quite well in this piece and, thus, informs my own writing. I need not be quite so careful to keep telling to a minimum.

A third haibun, “Late Rain” provides the reader with another of Lucky’s skills in composition, his ability to indirectly present an element of wabi-sabi. In this case, he makes a poignant statement about aging from the viewpoint of his ukuleles. The middle passage is as follows:

Late Rain

A bridge has popped off one ukulele. Strings have popped on another and the charango. And now a slow warp of the fret boards is creeping down the necks of another two ukes.

This is followed by a shift from objects (ukuleles) to persons (himself and possibly others):

It’s like watching the progression of a terminal disease. No matter what I do, the weather lays its claim on me and mine.

This switch from objects to a statement about mortality brings the feel of wabi-sabi to the piece. It’s not just a story about ukuleles being damaged by the dryness; it’s about transience, the briefness of our human journey.

The haiku cements the feeling of the piece:

passing cloud
the stillness of a skink
in its shadow

This haiku is rich in imagery and leaves room for the reader’s imagination. In my case, I suppose I shouldn’t have a negative feeling about skinks, but I do. In part it’s the harshness of the word “skink.” My mental image is of slimy lizards that dwell in damp places. I say this even though my partner and I were delighted to find a pair of them, quite beautiful with their red stripes, beneath a rotting log that I had kicked over on a walk last fall. Poor little skinks! They hurt no one and help keep flies, slugs and grasshoppers down – a good thing to have in one’s garden.

That the skink lurks in a shadow brings me to consider how unpleasant thoughts sometimes lurk in the shadows of my mind. And, yet, like the cloud, they pass. On another take, perhaps the skink in this haiku is holding itself stone-still because it has no way of knowing if the cloud’s shadow isn’t that of a raptor that might swoop down on it. If the skink moved, death might come swiftly. Coupled with the prose’s allusion to the deterioration of his ukes, isn’t this an apt analogy for the way we think about terminal diseases – always a shadow, no idea when it will strike, no medical move that will make a difference, or the thought of the unpleasant side effects that can come with medical interventions.

Comments:

In writing commentaries, I sometimes feel as if I should find something to comment on that would lead to an improvement. Okay, here it is. I’d have suggested to Lucky that he drop the phrase “and the charango.” On the positive side I learned that a charango is a small Andean stringed instrument of the lute family and it wasn’t much of a chore to look it up. But that’s what most readers will have to do unless they’re willing to bypass what might be an important or key word. An unusual word from another language stops the flow of the prose, particularly when the reader can’t understand it though the context. Is the charango part of a ukulele or something else? And why is it important? Now that I understand what it is, I don’t see why it’s important. It strikes me as unnecessary to carry the theme of this very good piece.

I’ve only commented on three haibun. However, having read through the entire chapbook, I’ve equally enjoyed the tanka prose and prose poems. I can safely say Ethiopian Time is a good investment. Lucky’s accessible poetry is sure to bring pleasure to his readers. And a side benefit – if you want to know about life in Ethiopia as seen by an observant visitor, far better to read Lucky than the promotional travel section of your Sunday newspaper. Those writers won’t take you to the shadows where the skinks dwell.

Mateo Basho’s Haibun “Hiraizumi”

Background:

“Hiraizumi” is one of about 40 prose passages in Matsuo Bashō’s classic travel journal, Oku no Hosomichi (The Narrow Road to the Deep North). Some, like “Hiarizumi” are accompanied by haiku, others not. Basho was weeks into a journey into Japan’s northern interior. He arrived at Hiraizumi, once home of the Fujiwara clan. Fujiwara no Hidehira c. 1122-1187) was the third ruler of the Fujiwara clan. He sheltered the samurai Minamoto no Yoshitsune, who fell out of favor with his brother Minamoto no Yoritomo. In 1187, the ruler Hidehira died, but not before exacting a promise from his son to continue to shelter Yoshitsune. 1189, Yoshitsune’s brother Yoritiomo surrounded the Fujiwara castle with his troops. Yoshitsune committed seppuku and Yoritomo destroyed the castle, killing Hidehira’s son, ending, as Basho says, “three glorious generations” of brave warriors.

Hiraizumi: A Travel Journal Haibun by Matsuo Basho

It was here that the glory of three generations of the Fujiwara family passed away like a snatch of empty dream. The ruins of the main gate greeted my eyes a mile before I came upon Lord Hidehira’s mansion, which had been utterly reduced to rice-paddies. Mount Kinkei alone retained its original shape.

As I climbed one of the foothills called Takadate, where Lord Yoshitsune met his death, I saw the River Kitakami running through the plains of Nambu in its full force, and its tributary, Koromogawa, winding along the site of the Izumigashiro castle and pouring into the big river directly below my eyes.

The ruined house of Lord Yasuhira was located to the north of the barrier-gate of Koromogaseki, thus blocking the entrance from the Nambu area and forming a protection against barbarous intruders from the north. Indeed, many a feat of chivalrous valor was repeated here during the short span of the three generations, but both the actors and the deeds have long been dead and passed into oblivion.

When a country is defeated, there remain only mountains and rivers, and on a ruined castle in spring only grasses thrive.

I sat down on my hat and wept bitterly till I almost forgot time.

summer grasses
all that remains
of soldiers’ dreams


Notes:

Visit the Terebess Asia Online (TAO) website to see a full text of Oku no Hosomichi (The Narrow Road to the Deep North).

Hiraizumi Prose translated by Nobuyuki Yuasa, Haiku translated by L. Stryk.

Background information taken from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” a Matsuo Basho Blog.

Matsuo Basho: The Hut of the Phantom Dwelling

Introduction: The Hut of the Phantom Dwelling , which Basho rewrote a number of times in 1690, is considered the first outstanding example of haibun literature. Earlier haibun tended to be extremely short and to function primarily as salutations. But The Phantom Dwelling , which was closely modeled on Kamo no Chomei’s prose essay “Ten-Foot Square Hut” ( Hojoki , 1212), is an extended prose poem in a highly elliptical, hybrid style of vernacular, classical Japanese and classical Chinese, with Chinese-style parallel words and parallel phrases.

The Hut of the Phantom Dwelling
Matsuo Basho, trans. Burton Watson

Beyond Ishiyama, with its back to Mount Iwama, is a hill called Kokubuyama — the name, I think, derives from a kokubunji, or government temple of long ago. If you cross the narrow stream that runs at the foot and climb the slope for three turnings of the road, some two hundred paces each, you come to a shrine of the god Hachiman. The object of worship is a statue of the Buddha Amida. This is the sort of thing that is greatly abhorred by the Yuiitsu school, though I regard it as admirable that, as the Ryobu assert, the buddhas should dim their lights and mingle with the dust in order to benefit the world

Ordinarily, few worshipers visit the shrine, and it’s very solemn and still Beside it is an abandoned hut with a rush door Brambles and bamboo grass overgrow the eaves; the roof leaks; the plaster has fallen from the walls; and foxes and badgers make their den there. It is called the Genjuan, or Hut of the Phantom Dwelling. The owner was a monk, an uncle of the warrior Suganuma Kyokusui. It has been eight years since he lived there — nothing remains of him now but his name, Elder of the Phantom Dwelling.

I, too, gave up city life some ten years ago, and now I’m approaching fifty I’m like a bagworm that’s lost its bag, a snail without its shell I’ve tanned my face in the hot sun of Kisagata in Dewa and bruised my heels on the rough beaches of the northern sea, where tall dunes make walking so hard.

And now this year here I am drifting by the waves of Lake Biwa. The grebe attaches its floating nest to a single strand of reed to keep it from washing away in the current. With a similar thought, I mended the thatch on the eaves of the hut, patched up the gaps in the fence, and, at the beginning of the Fourth Month, the first month of summer, moved in for what I thought would be no more than a brief stay. Now, though, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever want to leave.

Spring is over, but I can tell it hasn’t gone for long. Azaleas continue to bloom, wild wisteria hangs from the pine trees, and a cuckoo now and then passes by I even have greetings from the jays and woodpeckers that peck at things, but I really don’t mind — in fact, I rather enjoy them. I feel as though my spirit had raced off to China to view the scenery in Wu or Chu, as though I were standing beside the lovely Xiao and Xiang Rivers or Lake Dongting. The mountain rises behind me to the southwest, and the nearest houses are a good distance away.

Fragrant southern breezes blow down from the mountaintops, and north winds, dampened by the lake, are cool I have Mount Hie and the tall peak of Hira, and this side of them the pines of Karasaki veiled in mist, as well as a castle, a bridge, and boats fishing on the lake. I hear the voice of the woodsman making his way to Kasatori, and the songs of the seedling planters in the little rice paddies at the foot of the hill Fireflies weave through the air in the dusk of evening, clapper rails tap out their notes — there’s surely no lack of beautiful scenes.

Among them is Mikamiyama, which is shaped rather like Mount Fuji and reminds me of my old house in Musashino, while Mount Tanakami sets me to counting all the poets of ancient times who are associated with it. Other mountains include Bamboo Grass Crest, Thousand Yard Summit, and Skirt Waist. There’s Black Ford village, where the foliage is so dense and dark, and the men tend their fish weirs, looking exactly as they’re described in the Man’yoshu .

In order to get a better view all around, I’ve climbed up the height behind my hut, rigged a platform among the pines, and furnished it with a round straw mat I call it Monkey’s Perch. I’m not in a class with those Chinese eccentrics Xu Juan, who made himself a nest in a crab apple tree where he could do his drinking, or Old Man Wang, who built his retreat on Secretary Peak. I’m just a mountain dweller, sleepy by nature, who has returned his footsteps to the steep slopes and sits here in the empty hills catching lice and smashing them.

Sometimes when I’m in an energetic mood, I draw clear water from the valley and cook myself a meal. I have only the drip, drip of the spring to relieve my loneliness, but with my one little stove, things are anything but cluttered. The man who lived here before was truly lofty in mind and did not bother with any elaborate construction. Besides the one room where the Buddha image is kept, there is only a little place designed to store bedding.

An eminent monk of Mount Kora in Tsukushi, the son of a certain Kai of the Kamo Shrine, recently journeyed to Kyoto, and I got someone to ask him if he would write a plaque for me. He readily agreed, dipped his brush, and wrote the three characters Gen-ju-an . He sent me the plaque, and I keep it as a memorial of my grass hut.

Mountain home, traveler’s rest — call it what you will, it’s hardly the kind of place where you need any great store of belongings. A cypress-bark hat from Kiso, a sedge rain-cape from Koshi — that’s all that hangs on the post above my pillow.

In the daytime, I’m once in a while diverted by people who stop to visit. The old man who takes care of the shrine or the men from the village come and tell me about the wild boar that’s been eating the rice plants, the rabbits that are getting at the bean patches, tales of farm matters that are all quite new to me.

And when the sun has begun to sink behind the rim of the hills, I sit quietly in the evening waiting for the moon so I may have a shadow for company or light a lamp and discuss right and wrong with my silhouette.

But when all has been said, I am not really the kind who is so completely enamored of solitude that he must hide every trace of himself away in the mountains and wilds. It’s just that, troubled by frequent illness and weary of dealing with people, I’ve come to dislike society.

Again and again I think of the mistakes I’ve made in my clumsiness over the years. There was a time when I envied those who had government offices or impressive domains, and on another occasion I considered entering the precincts of the Buddha and the teaching room of the patriarchs.

Instead, I’ve worn out my body in journeys that were as aimless as the winds and clouds and expended my feelings on flowers and birds. But somehow I’ve been able to make a living this way, and so in the end, unskilled and untalented as I am, I give myself wholly to this one concern, poetry.

Bo Juyi worked so hard at it that he almost ruined his five vital organs, and Du Fu grew lean and emaciated because of it. As far as intelligence or the quality of our writings goes, I can never compare with such men.

And yet in the end, we all live, do we not, in a phantom dwelling?

But enough of that — I’m off to bed.

Among these summer trees,
a pasania —
something to count on.


Author of original: Matsuo Basho, Translation: Burton Watson (1925-2017)

Read more about Matsuo Basho and his life and place in the origins of English-language haibun.

Can Non-Poetic People learn to Write Haibun?

The morning sun is just touching my canoe, suggesting a promising midsummer day canoeing in Algonquin Provincial Park. But until it warms up, I put it out of mind, pour coffee and read the morning email. One is from a writer interested in haibun, one of those little bright spots that comes with being a journal editor. Having read it, I ask my partner, Nancy, to join me for coffee. “I want to read this to you,” I said.


Hello Ray,

After a walk with Rufus, my border collie, I returned home to find an envelope you had sent containing Harriot West’s collection of haibun, “Into the Light.” I remember you and I discussing haibun, but until I read her book, I didn’t have an appreciation for the sort of personal memoirs one finds in that genre. I took it to our dining table and read a few pieces to my wife, Joan, and we had quite a discussion.

It clearly requires a person of both courage and great honesty to author such a book. I am sure that reading her work will invite others to be more reflective of their life experiences, as it did me. Having read her offerings, I felt as if I was a bit dead to the world and asked myself, “Have I lived life asleep at the switch?”

In my undergraduate years, a philosophy course I took was taught by a man I much admired, Professor Samuels, a bright and warm person, an ex-Marine who wore wide brimmed hats and a funky vest, his black Labrador always at his side. As it happened, I and another chap received the top marks on an assigned paper. Going over mine, Samuelson mentioned that the other student and I had different strengths, mine was logical analysis whilst his was more a poetic or literary bent.

I’ve always thought of myself as linear, logical thinker, rather than an insightful type. I wish I had better capacity to see and express what I see in the world—in writing, photography and art.


When I finish reading it, she looks up and says: “He writes beautifully, Does he know that?”

“He seems not to and I’m going to try to set things straight.”

We further discussed James’ writing, noting how he moved from Rufus’ walk to West’s courage to his philosophy class and Professor Samuels’s black Lab to Samuel’s pronouncement James is a literal, and not a poetic thinker. The sequence illustrated the way memory works, one concrete thing leading to another, sentences carrying the weight of twenty years since that comment and the ache of roads not taken.


Hi James,

Your email reached me this morning at our rental cottage on Harp Lake. Nancy and I read it over coffee, and she looked up and said, “He writes beautifully. Does he know that?”

I agreed with her and I’m going to try to convince you to drop that idea that you lack a poetic mindset.

Your line about feeling “dead to the world” after reading West’s poems … I’ve been there. Last month I picked up E.B. White’s One Man’s Meat and felt the same kind of sting, watching his sentences flow like water while mine stumble along like old dogs.

It struck me that the details of your philosophy course with Professor Samuels remained in your memory after all these years. That’s not logical analysis—that’s a writer’s eye for the detail that makes a good story.

Your letter itself moves the way memory and haibun memoirs work—Rufus’s walk leads to West’s book and then leads to that undergraduate moment when someone decided to divide his students into categories: linear and poetic. What you’ve actually done in a few succinct sentences is poetic: you caught the texture of an afternoon, the weight of a professor’s casual pronouncement, the particular ache of wondering if you’ve been asleep at the switch.

You already know how to see and this was a good start at expressing what you observed about the class and the impact on you to this day. The question isn’t whether you can write—it’s whether you’ll trust what you’ve already written, and do what we writers all must do, polish it up some more, and if you want to publish it as a haibun, you’ll need to add a title and a haiku. These aren’t easy tasks, not for experienced writers, and especially not for writers new to the haibun memoir genre. This is a great start, don’t give up on yourself now. Gitting a start is a big first step and too often is the place where new writers get stuck.

I’m enclosing an offer. Send me a redraft and let’s go back and forth on it. And, start a personal journal. Try capturing one moment each day or the most memorable moment of the last week—just note what happened, what you noticed, what memories were associated, how you felt. Also consider more reading of other’s haibun. After West’s minimalist haibun, try David Lanoue’s more expansive pieces in “My Journal with Haiku Sprinkled in.” Look closely at how he writes about each of his days while traveling through Japan and Bulgaria. In return, if you wish, I’ll send you a draft of one of my working ideas, and you can provide me with comments. You’ll also develop your writing skills by critiquing the work of other writers. Every writer should have at least one working partner and one person who is a good reader offering their views on what works for them, and what doesn’t.

Best, Ray


About the Author

Ray Rasmussen

Ray Rasmussen resides in Edmonton, Canada. His haibun, haiga, haiku, articles and reviews have appeared in the major print and online haiku genre journals. Ray presently serves on the editorial staff of contemporary haibun online. In the past, he has served as part of the editorial/technical teams for Drifting Sands Haibun, Notes from the Gean, Simply Haiku, A Hundred Gourds, the World Haiku Review and Haibun Today. Ray’s Blog is “All Things Haibun” and his haiku-genres website is “Haiku, Haibun & Haiga.”