My daughter’s ashes are now spread in places she loved, although I have a hard time remembering when she loved anything but drugs, and lived anywhere but on the streets.
We did our best, I’ve often thought to myself and even said aloud as we spread her ashes in a mountain meadow. You could have done better, another voice always answers.
“Keep your chin up,” a friend recently said, “You’re not responsible for her choices in life.”
I read that the first printed reference of “keep your chin up” comes from a 1900 edition of a Pennsylvania newspaper. The remainder of the quip is, “Don’t take your troubles to bed with you – hang them on a chair with your trousers or drop them in a glass of water with your teeth.”
teeth full of
caps and fillings.
those restive nights after
viewing photos of the places
she loved
Published in Contemporary Haibun Online, 19:3, 2023.
Ray Rasmussen: All Things Haibun Blog 
Chin Up is a very poignant Haibun. It is beautifully written and moved me deeply. If autobiographical I am really sorry for the pain you have endured.
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Thx. Yes, autobiographical. Most of my writing is. However, writing about deeply painful events in one’s life is difficult.
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I
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I too know what it is like to write from excruciating places. Thank you for sharing such a tender piece
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When I saw the response from th
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Hi Kathy, I didn’t see more than . . .
When I saw the response from th
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Hi Ray. I found your post through a friend’s blog. I want to tell you, we all do the best we can.
I am a person on the other side. I am in recovery 14 years. It feels surreal, like much of my life. I got clean when I was 22. I used heroin and lots of other drugs.
My youngest’s father passed away from a heroin overdose. He was 26. Living with him towards the end was a nightmare, just like I’m sure I made my parents’ lives a nightmare.
Your daughter was still in there. Even if hard to remember, remember those times when she did the things she loved. That’s who she really was.
I believe there is a special place for those who struggle with addiction. They are sick people. I was a sick person, not a bad one. No one else was responsible for my choices but me.
I pray for peace for you always.
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Thanks for the thoughtful comment, Melissa. My daughter was one of the lights of my life. Her addiction came about in part from having been sexually assaulted by a family (ex)friend. The hardest part for us is that in the last woman’s program she was in, she was doing so well that we were sure that she would make it this time. I’m very happy to read that you made it though and are sound enough to share (not hide) your story. The OD death rate from the new pain meds is appalling. Ray
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